Hello All Help Wanted Seekers!
CBS This Morning has a Friday segment..."Note to my younger self"...some .people highlighted have been Dr. Ruth and Art Garfunkle....I did a google search and learned...this idea is nothing new...and there are many entries on the Internet..
My mind was racing...I am not famous...or rich....but, my life has been a woven tapestry of experiences rich with lessons learned...some easier than others....and this..… "Note to my younger self" …with a dedication to my son, Daniel…
It wasn't easy for me to have you, Dan... I followed my mother’s lead, and, had you later in life....there were miscarriages....surgeries....medicines......
We were about to give up when a miracle occurred....a heartbeat...your heartbeat...you were alive inside of me...as you grew stronger the months flew by and I knew you would arrive safely...perhaps not on schedule, .but, I was prepared....I can still recall the nurse's voice as you entered the world..."It's a boy and he's adorable"....I think I was scared to death as the responsibility of "you" became reality....how can I know what to do?...how can I know what to say?....silly me, it all comes on naturally...."you just know"....there isn't a right or a wrong...we make it up as we go along...the first few weeks were scary as I began my new job of being your mom...I was lucky to have the good fortune of being at home with you and dad was patient as he kept his promise, ”Have a baby, I’ll do everything” and yes…he did everything... But, ...your first pediatrician appointment came with a shock as the doctor thought she heard something out of sync...our visit with a pediatric cardiologist confirmed that there was a "hole" in your heart and I think I felt a "hole" gnawing in me….
The next few years proved to be difficult....we lost my dad..”, your grandpa”....the man who read The New York Times to you instead of a story...I know you can't recall, but, he made the financial news sound like a fairytale...as I reflect, there was more truth to that than not!......as we continued to monitor your heart it became apparent that we would need to take action to address your problem...and...BOOM...another setback...Dad's place of business closed.....we were left with bills...bills and more bills....no medical insurance and no more doctor visits for you...it's at this point in my life that I gathered all the strength I could muster and made a deal with myself that no matter what, our little family would make it through...I began a quest to protect the nucleus…our family…
Born into an adult family, I came as a "surprise"....my brother was almost fourteen years my senior...I'm sure he was wondering..."why me" ....I was a thorn in his side as the words resonated from my mother, "take your sister with you!"....over the years as we "caught up" in age...we bridged the gap and we shared the phenomena of a sibling relationship.....the one who knows you longer than anyone else...a spouse, parent and child..."Bobby" celebrated your birth and became your Godfather....he visited you every day in your infancy and was disappointed if he arrived and you were sleeping. He was not a person who wanted children of his own but, you were special to him....his nephew....his blood and someone he could protect…in the prime of his life....he was taken from us ...his body giving in to the terrible disease of cancer. I think at that moment my life changed forever…I wasn’t a “little sister”.
Four short weeks after Bobby’s passing, my mom, mommy, “gramma” et al went to sleep and never awoke. She had not been sick and although she had “us”…Dad, me and you…she could not withstand the loss of her son…her boy…it was Halloween and I thought that the Universe had played the biggest trick on me and us and I became an adult orphan…
Adult, survival, inventive, these became the new words in my vocabulary. Dan, the way the hair on the back of your head formed a swirl….I could pick you out in a group of hundreds…zoning in and remarking….”there he is…that’s my swirl”…You gave me courage to try things I never thought possible and as I sit here and reflect on the times that weren’t so good, I know the not so good times allowed me to treasure the good times…the year we spent as the NJ Poster Child for the hospital that “fixed” your heart…..dad finding a second career and going on to finish his Masters’…tackling the financial setbacks and moving forward.
You grew up quickly and have depth beyond your years. I read the things your write and I am marveled at the gift you have with words…I sit back and say…this is my son, my boy, “my guy” and my butch…. the music you create plays in my head..….I could not have accomplished my purpose without you…you have taught me so much…you are fair and honest…..and sometimes (even now), when I get angry and I think someone has wronged me..…you have the ability to make me understand that all people make mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance…..This “Note to my younger self” is a synopsis of my journey….If I didn’t have you then perhaps, I would have remained in my younger self…..and…perhaps, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the more matured self I have become…not Forever Young…
Dear readers…we all have a younger self…what’s yours?
Your Employment Yenta…(Just call me “T”)…..Happy Holidays….be safe….
